Episode Transcript
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Welcome to Friendly Competition, a podcast to discover the best of all time. I'm Nick Carey, alongside my co host and best friend, Cody Lena, discuss various pop culture topics and narrow it down to truly the best of all time.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Or as we like to call it, the boat. Before we set foot on the boat, we put into a sweet 16 style tournament, and we argue each round till we decide a winner. Nick, what kind of chair do we use when we decide to step foot on the boat?
[00:00:40] Speaker A: Where the hell we want code? Do you want someone we're talking about this season?
[00:00:43] Speaker B: Absolutely. Well, here's the thing, Nick. This is basically our interns. We're talking about our interns right now. Every organization from the top down, pyramid stuff. We all talked about this as you've heard it all a thousand times. But we're built on the back of our interns, our lowest level employees. That's where you got to judge a company, right? You don't judge them by their executives, by the CEO's. You judge the performance of the person who's on the ground day to day, the person who has the least amount of skin. Skin in the game. If they love their job and they're having a great time, you know, it's a great place to work. And that's what we're trying to facilitate here.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah, we are. We're just here. We're just trying to hire for them those lower level, entry level intern positions, or FCP incorporated, and just get a sense for a. Yeah. What's your skill set at? Where are you at professionally? Where is your moral standing?
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Moral standards? Very important. We do give a test to all income. Paid internship, by the way. You will get paid. It is paid. We do give a test. We give a test, and it's gonna look weird. It's gonna be weird. You're not gonna be like, why? What's this question about? Would you take candy from a baby if you knew for a fact no one would ever find out? Yeah, that question's there.
We also have money. Would you take $10,000 from a baby?
[00:01:57] Speaker A: You know what's crazy is the answer. The actual answer is if you take the candy from the baby. That's the wrong answer. The money, of course. What's the. Why is the kid need $10,000?
[00:02:05] Speaker B: Dude, if I'm Nick.
[00:02:06] Speaker A: But you take candy from a real question? How dare you? Who do you think you are? That's not funny. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, so that's the test, is it? It's trickier than you think it's a. It's got some. It's got some. Some fastballs in there.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: All right, Nick, real question. This is the test. You are at a park, and everyone's looking for a missing baby, right? Everybody's looking for this missing kid. And you're like, oh, I'll look around. And you're looking around, and you find. You like, walk behind a bush, and there's this little kid walks up to you, one or two years old, hands you in his hand is $10,000 just in a wad. Hands it to you, take the money from his hand and pick him up. And you kind of just have the money, right? Mm hmm. You haven't stolen the money, this. But you just have the money in the. Yes. Yeah. You get to the parents and they take the kid, and they're like, oh, my God. Thank you so much. And they never mentioned the money. Do you keep the money?
[00:02:51] Speaker A: I cuz, you know what?
[00:02:54] Speaker B: You don't know if the kid found that much.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: Hundred percent. That's what I'm saying. The mental gymnastics that I need to. This is a neat. This is met. This is a mental cartwheel for me. This is not. This isn't. This isn't the double bars or the eye or the. The rings. This isn't even hard gymnastics. I'm like, if they mention. The thing is, and I would still do it no matter what, I just found your kid. I. I literally made your life infinitely better. $10,000 is a penance for what I drop in the bucket for what I gave back to you. So even if they were like, hey, thank you so much. I'm so glad you found little Ginny. This is going to sound weird, but we do keep rolls of $10,000 bills in our bags, so there's a chance that they might have grabbed one of those. Did you see any money? I'd be like, oh, I know what?
[00:03:46] Speaker B: A baby had $10,000. Cause here's the deal. The baby's been gone. So even if it took the $10,000 from the parents and they know the baby could have put it anywhere.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: Right? And also, this baby's what? It's not gonna narc on me.
[00:03:58] Speaker B: This is a toddler.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: It's not gonna be like, I had the money. I'll be like, I just make. I don't think that kid knows what he's talking about. Yeah, he took the money. I'd be like, I don't. The money. Did he mean like, he did have. He had a stick in his hand, would it? Could it? Does he think of sticks as money? Like leave?
[00:04:15] Speaker B: You guys know, you guys do. You guys use bones for money?
[00:04:17] Speaker A: But it's. Yeah, like, I don't, but I don't. I didn't see $10,000.
[00:04:21] Speaker B: Yeah, dude, I'm just saying. I also. I would take the money to fuck your kid.
[00:04:24] Speaker A: Dude, I got you. Once again, we know that if you lose a child, that your life, your life is never gonna be the same. You will always live in a world of depression and what ifs. Guess what? For $10,000, I found your kid. I found your kid.
[00:04:42] Speaker B: For the low, low price of $10,000, you now have your baby back. You're welcome. You're welcome.
[00:04:48] Speaker A: And let me be clear, I think I just want to be clear. I'm not saying that if the kid doesn't have $10,000 on their person, that I'm just going to like, look at a kid in the woods and be like, eh, not my problem. No, I will always return a kid in the woods. I'm just saying in this situation, the kid did have ten G's on him.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: Is there amount of money the kid has upwards that you would have to like, it's too much that you can't take? Cause I don't think so. For me, I think the more money, the happier I am I found this kid.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: I think it would have to. I think. I don't think it's money, but I think it's jewelry, right?
[00:05:23] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:05:23] Speaker A: Like if the kid has like a ruby, a big, like softball size ruby pendant or something, you know, where you're like, oh, that's gotta have, that's got to have a story behind it. Yeah, they will be.
[00:05:36] Speaker B: That's why they do. Okay. No, for actually, if I find a kid lost in the woods with a softball sized ruby, I am not helping that kid because that's, this is how they get you.
[00:05:48] Speaker A: This is a sorcerer. This is, this is a sorceress, this is a projection. This is actually not a child at all.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: This is. I don't know what I, I don't know. I'm gonna find religion fast. I don't know what that is.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: I don't know what honey pot this is, but I know that I am not saving that child.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: Not even. And dude, if I saw a kid in the woods, softball sized Ruby, I would walk away from the kid. And if I saw grieving parents and they're like, hey, have you seen a kid? I'd be like, no, they're like, are you sure? Little boy, blonde hair, softball size, ruby, I'd say. No way to know.
[00:06:24] Speaker A: Way to go. Wizard with the double check, yo.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: You have it?
[00:06:28] Speaker A: You have double security on this, dual authentication to see if I. If I was gonna take. If I was gonna do this? Uh uh. You ain't tricking me like that.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: Not today, motherfucker. Uh uh.
[00:06:39] Speaker A: I'm not stupid, dude.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: That's what we're talking about.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: That's basically. Yeah, basically.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: What we're.
[00:06:44] Speaker A: What we're here is we're here to hire for the goons to run our criminal meat organization. And folks here in group C, which means group a and b have already happened. So go check those out. We have our. We took, once again, we take our 16 topics, we send it off to the bracketologist. They send it back to us randomized. And here's what we got for group C. We have the two seed, the fall guy going up against the 15 seed, your second wave. And you have the seven seed driver going up against the ten seed, the lovable fuck up.
Cody, where do you want to start?
[00:07:18] Speaker B: Let's go. Fall guy in second wave. Yeah. Important. Important. Yes. The fog, everyone. Fall guy's easy, right? We all have to have a fall guy. This person is paid to go to jail for you. Easy. Squeezy them peasy. Very important. Find someone who doesn't have a lot of friends and they feel safe on the inside. Honestly, you got to get some of these career criminals. They are so institutionalized, they crave the prison.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Yeah, they're just trying to get back there.
[00:07:39] Speaker B: They're just trying to get back there.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: Honestly, they feel safer there. You're doing a good thing, actually, by just being like, hey, buddy, we're going to sign all your names on all these documents, okay?
[00:07:49] Speaker B: Exactly. And then all you got to do is take care of their family. Yeah. That's it.
[00:07:53] Speaker A: On the outside. Be like, of course. That's fine.
[00:07:56] Speaker B: Done. Done. Second wave is important because this is. This is how people know that you are committed. Yes. After they kill all of your first wave of goons, you gotta have a second wave that comes in. They are to die.
This is just to establish numbers, man. We gotta show you that we're in it to win it. If I walked into a target and they had one person on the floor, that's not. What is this?
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm stealing everything I'm seeing.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: Everything. You're trying to run an organization. You got one guy, you have one wave, and you call yourself an organization?
[00:08:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I do. Like that. I like the spin on that. That, like, second wave shows, like, no, this is a real business, okay? This isn't just a mom and pop criminal shop.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: This is out here selling horse meat. And we don't have a second wave. We loosely have, like.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Cause then technically, you kind of have your own built in military. Right. That has. You've created promotions or question, do you see this as, like. All right, so you have your low level, like, soldiers.
[00:08:47] Speaker B: Right? Right. Your foot soldiers.
[00:08:49] Speaker A: Do you see this as, like, this is the promotion into second wave, or are you hiring two completely separate styles of. So it's like.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: So the way I'm actually envisioning it is we just have a bunch of foot soldiers. So these are kind of the foot soldiers, but they just. We've got a lot of locations. Right? We've got our penthouse suite. We got our meat place. We got our farm. I use an air quote. Yeah. So we have soldiers stationed at all these. So whenever shit pops off, if it pops off at the penthouse, the second wave is just the farm guys. But they did have to drive there. They had to get in the company bus.
[00:09:21] Speaker A: Oh, you're saying that this is just literally, it's all the same level?
[00:09:25] Speaker B: Same level of guy?
[00:09:27] Speaker A: Interesting. I was thinking of it as, like, a more elevated, slightly stronger, a little bit better. But once again, you're probably dying.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: Probably dying. Well, so.
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Okay, let's be fair, though. In a lot of movies, you're more. I think it's. It depends on who's. It depends on who the hero is. But I feel like a lot of times you're. You're probably just going to get severely injured, though.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. You're going to. You're going to take some wounds, but.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: There'S a chance you might live through it, because depending, as long as you don't get that head shot, there's a chance that when the paramedics come through.
[00:09:59] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, it's for sure. If it's a John Wick situation, you might have some shots to the gut. He shoots body. John Wick likes to shoot bodies. Not trying to kill most of the time. Yeah. But he's going to put you down if it's a kill bill situation. Yes. She's gonna cut your arm off. Right. I'm. I'm sorry. But again, medical plan, though, we got you. You're gonna be covered when you go to the hospital.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? So from that standpoint, I mean, I think the risk of.
[00:10:23] Speaker B: I kind of like that, like, risk.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: Of death maybe 50 50 50.
[00:10:28] Speaker B: But we pay so well that. That workers comp after your claim, you're gonna be set.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Oh, exactly.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: The.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: Yeah, we're not. Obviously, if you lost an arm, we're not going to like it. We'll move you around the company. Right. We'll find a new thing for you to do within the company. You sacrifice your arm for us. Like, you're not going anywhere.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: Could I interest you in fall guy, please? That's it. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you get your arm cut off. Oh, yeah, we have room for movement.
[00:10:52] Speaker A: So when it comes to fall guy, are you. Are you even doing. Do you have to do anything else within the company?
[00:10:59] Speaker B: No.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Or is like. We are literally just like, hey, you sign your name on all these, we're going to give you an elevated title. You're going to sign your name on everything, though, dude.
[00:11:08] Speaker B: That's the thing, though. But here's the thing about the fall guy. If you. You might be one right now. If you're an executive vice president, if you're in any sort of upper management in a company, but you're not actually sure what you do, you're the fall guy. You are the fall guy.
[00:11:22] Speaker A: So that's the question. Okay. So that's my other question. How much are we telling the person their fall guy? Or are we just like, yeah, it's good. Let's just make fun.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: They've been signing papers for, like, ten years, right? Yeah, they're doing great. Well, I'm gonna walk into their office and be like, hey, the cops are here. And they're like, what? I'm like, yeah, the cops here? Um, yeah, it was horse and the big what? And then I'm gonna walk out the door, and the cops are gonna bust in.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: And just.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: Because I feel like even.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: When they try to flip, right. It's like, your name is on all the documents. Like, we would be like, we have all of that. We have all of that on our side. To be like, honestly, I. Yes, as the. As the CEO's, we should have been paying more attention, but this was a very trusted employee. We are as shocked as you are to find out that he had instead, had been pocketing all this money, and instead of processing high end wagyu beef from Japan, it was just horses from South Dakota.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: I'm appalled. Yeah. I personally am appalled and offended that this would be allowed to happen also. I think it's. I think it's the government's responsibility, the lack of oversight. Yeah, I'm fine.
[00:12:28] Speaker A: With regulation, I. We've always. We've always said we wanted to have regular. Yeah. So that's the thing is, like, do we. How much do you want to, like, tell this guy? I think that's the question, right? Do we.
[00:12:39] Speaker B: Are we a little. As little as possible. As possible.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: Just like, we just kind of look at a guy in the company that.
[00:12:46] Speaker B: We'Re like, that guy's dumb as fuck. That's what we're looking for.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: We're going to promote this dude up.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: This dude is dumb as fuck and has four kids. Three to four kids. I think that's the money number, because then I can be like. Then they'll be like, hey, I noticed that this says wagyu, but I think it's horse. I'm like, oh, you can keep pulling at that shred. But it'd be really, really sad if little Timmy didn't get to go to college.
Okay.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Okay, I like this.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Yeah, that. What if I get in trouble? It's like, don't worry your kids, whatever school your kids get into, they'll have a full ride, if you catch my drift.
[00:13:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be covered. Don't worry. Yeah, I like that. It's like, hey, I like that. We can. We kind of covered ourselves here. If they figure it out, if they're smarter than we thought, then we just are like, all right, cool, man. Then you're in. You're in the family. We're going to get well. You know that. You're going to be set up. But if they're just dumb and get caught, I don't think we have to do much. I mean, if we want to. If we want for our own conscience to throw a little bit of money at the family, maybe.
[00:13:45] Speaker B: Maybe, yeah.
[00:13:46] Speaker A: I don't even know if we.
[00:13:47] Speaker B: Maybe I wouldn't even give them that much money. I pay. Hey, here's. I'll just give him the severance package.
Hey, your husband was breaking. Did you know he had a selling horse?
[00:13:56] Speaker A: You knew your husband was stupid, right?
[00:13:58] Speaker B: You had to think it was wild.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: That your husband was EvP of mass production. Like, you know, he's dumb. Look, hey, you got to live this wonderful life for a while, okay? And isn't that the gift he kept?
[00:14:12] Speaker B: You knew. You really thought he was qualified for the job. Honey, he walked around calling himself the EvP of ass destruction for ten years. Yeah, he's not professional.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: Come on, man. I think I'm going fall guy. I think like this. I feel like.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: I think, yeah, we gotta have the.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Fall guy, I think this is needed. Like, second wave. I like that it makes us. It does make us seem like a better organization at the end of the day. I like that. But you need fall guy.
[00:14:36] Speaker B: You need.
[00:14:37] Speaker A: You need someone on the books that. That's gonna take that rap for us.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: Agreed.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: All right, next up, we have your driver going up against the lovable fuck up.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: Here's the problem, Nick. Lovable fuck up is great because we have a good time with them. They're awesome, but they're gonna get the hero on their side, and they're gonna be the reason the whole thing falls apart. Yeah, they're. They're loyal, but they just fuck up. Here's.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: Well, that's my thing is, like, do you think. Is it mostly. I don't know if they're necessarily always trying to help the hero as much as, once again, they just didn't. They forgot the code or something. The death button. I just. I need the code for the death button. You set this up, right? You're with the it guy. You set up the code for the death button, that. All we have to do is press this, and every room shoots bullets into it. Oh, I was there. I was there. Um, try my birthday.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: I think I hate this man so much. No, I think it level will fuck up from the sense that, like, he's in our gang. We don't hang out with him a lot. You know, he's just in the gang, but he isn't a criminal. He just made a bad decision. He smoked some pot with the wrong people, and now he's in a gang. He doesn't want to be in a gang. So the second the hero shows up and starts off at his friends, he's like, man, this was a mistake. I shouldn't be here. And the hero's like, you have so much life to live. You need to get out there and get your shit together. It's like when the bride spanks that kid who's in the crazy 88 with the sword. She's like, go home. What are you doing here? You're a child. You are a child. Go home. Your mother's scared about you. Like, that's the lovable fuck up.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: Sure, sure.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: That's what I'm looking at.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: I get it.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: He's lovable. From the outside. People are like, oh, that's just a poor kid who made a bad one. Bad decision. And now he's selling horse.
[00:16:17] Speaker A: Now he's stuck here. Now he's selling all this fake wagyu.
I love that. The reason why I feel like this is because this is the exact level of criminality you and I could easily support. Like, you and I. Like, if this, like, eventually it gets into all the other bad stuff, gun running and drug selling and all that. But if the initial crime was just like, hey, if I was like, cody, I got a line on this. I think I can know a guy who is going to let us kill all of his horses, and I think we can sell it as Wagyu. Are you down? I feel like you'd be like, yeah, that sounds like something I can get into.
[00:16:50] Speaker B: I think you'll figure this out. We'll fall. Yeah.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Okay. It's, like, honestly horse meat with a little bit of Worcestershire. Wagyu. No. No one knows the difference, dude. I'm telling you, I've tasted it. I've had other people taste it. This is. This crime is.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: We are.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: There's no way we're gonna get caught.
[00:17:08] Speaker B: And then three years later, we're selling crack to kids in school. Well, that's. Ha.
[00:17:12] Speaker A: Well, you gotta.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: It's called. Hey, you gotta keep up with the times, all right? It's not our choice. Hey, Amazon was originally just sold books, right? That's all it was.
[00:17:21] Speaker A: It was just a place for books, that's all. But now look at it.
[00:17:24] Speaker B: That being said, nick, I gotta get the little fuck up out of here. He's all, this is a ticking time bomb.
[00:17:28] Speaker A: I. I know. I think my question is, as you're running the organization, and I'm gonna go with my version of the lovable, you know, someone where they're. They've been working there. They're, you know, once again, just the nicest, sweetest, you know, always is the person, when it comes to the holidays, they always bake something for them. They always come in with something new, and you're like, God, you made a. You made a claire's for Easter. Oh, they look like little Easter. Yeah, I'll take one of those. Thank you so much. So, obviously, you're going to recognize this, I think, pretty quickly, right? We've all worked with someone who's incompetent but is delightful.
[00:18:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
Like, how.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: How long into being a criminal empire are we, like, we got to fire this guy? Or, like, can we like.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: Or do we have to kill him? You got. You got to kill him because he knows too much. I.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: That's what I hate about it, too, is like, you got to kill him.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: The problem with crime is you can't just fire people when they're not doing. That's the biggest problem. And also, if we did fire, and people are going to be pissed. This guy's great. He always brings the best thing to the potluck. Always. Whatever it is, remember that.
[00:18:33] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good point.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: Made those ribs. Are you kidding me, right?
[00:18:37] Speaker A: This is a linchpin, like, for the morale of the office. So we actually can't. You're like, you said, we can't fire him. No, you're right. We got to get this dude out.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: Of here because this is dude out.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: Of here because I am not about to have a company mutiny because Josh had to get. Had to leave, okay?
[00:18:55] Speaker B: He had to get caught. He was a fucking taking time bomb.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:58] Speaker B: Ready to take this whole industry down. I understand his chili queso tip slapped ass so good. No one's arguing that.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: Yeah, that is not what the debate is about.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: But I know he bought everybody lunch every other Thursday, and that was cool. That was. And. But.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: And we will continue that.
[00:19:16] Speaker B: Okay, I'll do that.
[00:19:18] Speaker A: I will do that. Okay. But we can't have him working here. Yeah, I can't have a mutiny over. Over Josh.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: So I. Unfortunately, I cannot make the dip. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: All right, so we will move the driver on where he will go up against the fall guy.
[00:19:32] Speaker B: All right. So fucking, so sexy, dude. Driver.
[00:19:35] Speaker A: Yeah, I know.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: Every time. Every movie about crime, the driver is so fucking sexy.
[00:19:43] Speaker A: How important. How important is it for you when we're testing?
[00:19:46] Speaker B: I guess I'm just thinking about driver.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: But you go, yeah, I know. Yeah, but there's all the drivers, generally, if. When we're, you know, we're hiring and we. Right. We've brought in the candidates, and we're like, hey, we need dry. We're gonna. We're gonna test you out. We're gonna see how you do.
[00:19:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:57] Speaker A: How important is it to you that they wear driving gloves? I think it's almost a requirement for me.
[00:20:03] Speaker B: I think. I think it's important that they were driving gloves. But I'm thinking when we give them their driving test, they show up, right? They're putting on the driving gloves, getting ready, and, Mike, I'm going to need you to show me what you got on this. And it's just like a Schwinn.
I'd be like, I know if you're here, I know you can drive a car. You've been like, I know, dog, but I want to see some. I want to see some grand theft auto level of escape on this Schwinn.
[00:20:26] Speaker A: Yeah. I need to know that when your tires get shot out that you're gonna grab the suitcase and be able to steal a kid's bike and still get out of here. Okay. That's what I need.
[00:20:36] Speaker B: That's.
Oh, my God. What if he, like, looks at this Schwinn? He has a suitcase. I'm like, I need you to use that Schwinn to get out here. He's like, I don't need that. I beg. What, are you gonna run? He's like, no. And then he, like, clicks his heels, and he's got. Heely's on that. Hired, hired, hired, bro.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: My dude. Get over here. My guy. That is sick.
[00:20:57] Speaker B: That is so good.
Why don't more criminals have Heelys?
[00:21:02] Speaker A: It would make you less presumptive. No one would assume that you're the villain if you're in Heely's, you know?
[00:21:08] Speaker B: Like, what?
[00:21:09] Speaker A: I've never once have I been annoyed by someone in Heely's at, like, the mall. Of course. Who hasn't? But I've never been like, oh, that's a criminal mastermind. You know? Like, that's Nick.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: Nick, Carrie, Cody, Lena, you're here today because you've been accused of the worst thing a man can be accused of. Meat crime. How do you plead? And I Healy up to the thing, and they're like, oh, he's innocent. Look at that guy. There's no way he's healing up to the box to give a statement. Innocent?
[00:21:36] Speaker A: Yeah, innocent. There's no way.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: Innocent.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: There's no way. How could he not in healing.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: Wait. Once I put a note, all gang members must wear Healy's heelys are soaps. That's what our.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: Yeah, so, yeah, yeah, if we. We will go back in time and buy out the soap collection so you can shred. Oh, man.
[00:21:55] Speaker B: Where are you at on this? Where you at?
[00:21:57] Speaker A: Yeah, so I like. See, I like driver.
[00:22:01] Speaker B: A.
[00:22:02] Speaker A: Because I just. I think just from a day to day standpoint, I would love to just have, you know, black Range Rover outside or g wagon, something that I can just get into and be like, driver, take me here.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: Right?
[00:22:15] Speaker A: Like, yeah, I think just from a day to day standpoint, because, like, that is just part of it. Like, they are your driver. Like, sure. I need to make sure that they're good at getaways.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Can they get it? Can they do getaway driving? Yes. Are they strapped? Absolutely. Do they have Heely's on 24/7 yeah.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: But also, I just do need to know that. Like, I just kind of like to have a driver. That way I can be in the backseat taking care of other business. Or more likely, I'm just scrolling instagram. But, hey, I can't do that when I'm driving. I shouldn't try.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: At least I've tried.
[00:22:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I shouldn't be doing it. So now I don't feel that bad about it, right?
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Like, I'm like.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: So I like, from the practical standpoint of, like, you just need a driver, right?
[00:22:54] Speaker B: I also like that I like the driver because it's so important occasionally. Like, you really need it when you need it. But also they're so removed that, like, I'm not worried. Like, if someone has my driver, what's my driver gonna do? Roll on me and be like, yeah, I drove him to McDonald's. Like, fuck off. Who cares? He doesn't know what I'm. He doesn't know it's horse. Why does the driver know I'm selling horse? Right?
[00:23:17] Speaker A: Yeah, there's no. He's just like. He's just the dude who pays me, man. I don't know anything about him. Or, like, so you're. You would be so you kind of want that, like, icy cold driver. You don't want, like, a fun cab.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: I want baby. I want baby driver.
[00:23:29] Speaker A: You want baby?
[00:23:29] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: You.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: I want the dude that's listening to fucking weird german house electro and never talks to me, but just drives really fast and really well. That's what I want.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Now is the pro. Do you. Do you not like how hot they are? Do you feel that this could eventually cause a problem for you? No, just like.
[00:23:48] Speaker B: No.
[00:23:49] Speaker A: Well, eventually, Cody, as any. As any good mafia fan, I guess maybe it's concerned for me. I know you don't. I know you don't want kids, but, you know, I'm interested in having kids.
[00:23:58] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: So at some point, because my driver's generally gonna be young, I'm gonna have a daughter.
[00:24:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: And I don't want her to be a part of this.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: Right?
[00:24:05] Speaker A: Like, I want her to be out of the world. She's too good for all of us.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: I understand. Yet. You got that. But I'm. I've been the background grooming her to take over the business for years.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I understand. But I just. But then she's gonna fall in love with this driver, this punk driver, you know?
[00:24:19] Speaker B: Like.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: Cause he's so hot and sex. And now I'm like, fucking drives, though.
[00:24:23] Speaker B: And the driving gloves, Nick, first of all, only time the driving gloves come.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: Off is when the other glove when the love glove goes on, you know what I'm saying?
[00:24:30] Speaker B: I understand. And also, you're pissing me off right now, because listen to what you just described. All right. The driver, just imagine. Close your eyes. See the guy from drive, right? Yeah. Yeah. There he is. Gloves on. Yeah.
[00:24:41] Speaker A: Ryan Gosling.
[00:24:42] Speaker B: Ryan Gosling. Leather. He's got that jacket with the scorpion on it. Sick jacket. And you're gonna take that away from your daughter?
What? She's an adult. She can make her own decisions. I'm just saying that.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: I just feel like I just. If she's gonna end up with someone in the organization, I'd rather be at least, you know, maybe even the fall guy. Cause then I know we got her taken care of, right? Like, I'm like, oh, that's fine.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: She.
[00:25:05] Speaker A: If she ends up marrying the fall guy, I'm like, I mean, he's kind of stupid, but.
[00:25:09] Speaker B: Okay, all right, we have. We got the guy lined up to be the fall guy, right? Dude, we have. Perfect. We have both of these things. Yeah. Your daughter falls in love with one of them, which one is going to mess up the system more? And I know what you're thinking, but I think it's the fall guy, dude. Because if your daughter falls in love with the fall guy before he's fallen before the fall. Yeah. I. In good conscience, because I love you and I'm gonna be such an important member of this family. Yeah. Of course. I can't take him away from her.
I can't make him fall. So now I have to pivot. I've been setting up this perfect fall guy for ten years. Nick. Nick, he runs the whole business well, and he doesn't know it's horse. Yeah. Are you kidding me? You know how hard this was for me?
[00:25:51] Speaker A: Do you know how much effort I had to put in? Just be like, he's asking a lot of questions about why our wagyu processing plant is in pier, South Dakota.
It's not a good place for it to be. It should be on the coast. It should be in California. But, uh. But I've convinced this dummy to.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: I guess that's probably now your wife is trying to mix company, Inc. And I have to figure it out. Yeah.
Cause she knows.
[00:26:16] Speaker A: She knows. Or she's always, you know, she's always had suspicions, like, oh, yeah, she's got. My daughter will know what we're doing. I just don't want her to be actively involved. But, yeah, if she ends up. I guess, yeah, if she ends up with the driver, at least I'm like, this dude's basically removed. Like, yeah.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: And if he is basically, like, I feel like I could fire my driver. Sure. You can't get rid of the fall guys. Too important.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: And at least. At least if I fire him and cuz he married my daughter, I'm like, hey, I can't have you. I'm not gonna let you work here if you're with my daughter. But you can. You can be with her. You make her happy. Then at least I know she's got a driver.
[00:26:48] Speaker B: Absolutely, dude. I know. He cuts like my daughter.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: Mary Paul Walker.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: All right.
[00:26:53] Speaker A: It's the driver.
[00:26:55] Speaker B: Oh, my daughter.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: You want a fall guy?
[00:27:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't. First of all, I don't want your. I didn't want to say this in front of you. I don't want your daughter out here fraternizing with everyone. Nick. It's a problem, and you need to get her under control.
[00:27:10] Speaker A: I.
[00:27:11] Speaker B: Second of all, I'm sorry. What? Oh.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: When Kellyanne and I made a kid, it wasn't gonna turn out sexy as. I can't help that. Okay. She's a hot and charismatic girl. There's not much I can do, man.
[00:27:20] Speaker B: Like, I'm not asking. I'm not asking her to stop being hot and charismatic. I'm asking her not to have sex with the fall guy.
I got. I got one dude on the list. I know, and I didn't. Here's the thing. I didn't even tell her who it was because I know the forbidden fruit is the sweetest. She just. She smelled it out like a bloodhound.
So I'm not going to the fall guy. I can't afford to lose this guy. Dude, I.
I think I. You have a guy this dumb, but this adept at running a company? Come on.
[00:27:49] Speaker A: It's pretty special. It's pretty.
[00:27:51] Speaker B: It's a special is ass from his elbow. But he won the Excel spreadsheet championship. This is the guy.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: This is our dude. I just.
[00:28:01] Speaker B: The perfect level of autistic.
[00:28:02] Speaker A: I'm trying to. Yeah. Just exactly where you need it to be. Just my solely focused on making this a good, profitable company, but it's just in his lane on it.
[00:28:14] Speaker B: Yeah, I.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Man, I'm trying to take a breath from. I'm trying to take a beat because once I said Paul Walker, that's not fair.
[00:28:20] Speaker B: I can't know.
[00:28:21] Speaker A: Of course I'm going to let my daughter marry Paul Walker and Ryan Gosling. So it's like. I think, though, here's the thing I like about driver, though. Here's the other thing that, for me, why I think I'm going to go driver, though, over. Over fall guy is mostly because at the end of the day, when it pops off, right. As much as I understand wanting to stay in the penthouse and just let things get sorted out, I am myself a coward. So I am going to just want to get away.
[00:28:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:47] Speaker A: And this is what I'm like. And I need that drive. I need that person that I can just be like, hey, get it. Hey, start up the car. I'll meet you. I'll meet you in the parking lot. We're going, like, yeah, and we're getting out of it.
[00:28:58] Speaker B: Start up the car. I'm talking about.
[00:29:00] Speaker A: Yeah, no, you're grabbing the McLaren. Yeah, you're grabbing.
[00:29:02] Speaker B: We're about to go, dude.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: Yeah, dude. Like, no, no, no.
[00:29:05] Speaker B: If you just texted McLaren, he knows that's, like, the code for, like, we're getting the fuck out of here.
[00:29:10] Speaker A: Yeah, this is gone. Yeah, we're so I'm gonna. I gotta go driver on this one.
[00:29:13] Speaker B: That I gotta lock in. Fall guy. Dude, I think the most important thing we can have in an organization like this, when we're moving mad levels of horse, we got to have a fall much. I'm not going to fall guy.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: I got. I hear you.
[00:29:24] Speaker B: All right.
[00:29:24] Speaker A: We'll settle this the only way we know how. The american voting coin of 2004 is brought to you by random.org. We got John Kerry facing up, which means George Bush is on the other side. Low seed gets to pick. That's going to be me. I'm going to go. I'm going to go John Kerry, because this is. I feel like John Kerry's got driver energy. Definitely wears driving gloves. Not because he's cool, but mostly because he's worried about getting his hands all print, all wrinkly.
[00:29:47] Speaker B: He's like, I'm going to get calluses from a steering wheel. What are you doing, buddy?
[00:29:52] Speaker A: All right, so we'll flip George Bush. Okay.
[00:29:54] Speaker B: Bush, baby. All right. Fall guy. This fall guy.
[00:29:56] Speaker A: Move.
[00:29:57] Speaker B: Important.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: Important in a criminal organization to have. My only. I guess my only other. I mean, it's. It's too late. It's happened. My only problem with fall guy is, like, yes, he's running the company, but he. Because he's. I kind of. If this is a criminal organization, I kind of need to have criminals. I need to have people that are doing the criminal shit.
[00:30:14] Speaker B: He's doing crime. He just doesn't know it. That's the most per. And that, my friend, that's the perfect crime that that's fair.
[00:30:22] Speaker A: All right, fall guy is the group C champion moving into the final four. And that is it, folks. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of friendly competition. If you want about Cha boy, a few things that you can do. As always, share with a friend, tell a friend, whoever you're listening to this, make sure you hit that. Like that. Follow that. Subscribe so we're showing up in your feed and then give us those five stars wherever you can.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Absolutely. Follow us on all of our social media. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, just go friendly compod. If you have an idea for all 16 team tournament, you'd like to see us do, or if you want to send us your resume, seriously, we fucking need to hire bad. Email us to the friendlycomptionspodcastmail.com dot.
[00:31:00] Speaker A: As always, shoutouts to Charizard for that intro music. You wanna hear more of their stuff? Head over to Bandcamp, type in Charizard and replace the vowels with sixes. That is going to be it for us, folks. We got a new episode coming out on Wednesday, but until then, I've been Nick Carrey.
[00:31:16] Speaker B: And I'm Cody Lita. See you on the boat.
