Episode Transcript
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Welcome to Friendly Competition, a podcast to discover the best of all time. I'm Nick Carey, alongside my co host and best friend, Cody Lena. Discuss various pop culture topics and narrative. Truly the best of all time.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Or as we like to call it, the boat. Before it gets the foot on the boat. We put them into a sweet 16 style tournament. We argue each round till we decide a winner. Nick, what country do we use when we decide he steps foot on the boat? Whatever the hell we want.
[00:00:40] Speaker A: Code, do you want to tell them what we're talking about this season?
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Absolutely. We've been maximizing synergistic opportunities for upwards of 30 years. Me and Nick, together, we have created a business empire that rivals that of Elon Musk, Tony Schiavone, Bill Paxton, all these great and intrepid capitalists.
[00:01:00] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:01:01] Speaker B: And we are finally going to put that to the test as we hire some more goons for our basically paramilitary meat empire.
[00:01:11] Speaker C: Yeah, you describe it.
[00:01:13] Speaker A: I would loosely describe it as that.
[00:01:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Like, what we're here to do.
[00:01:17] Speaker B: We really need to have paramilitary in there somewhere, because I need people to know. Yes, yes. Are you working for a meat company that sells great certified, grade a, prime wagyu? Yes. But you do need to stay strapped. But you gotta keep that thing on you, dog.
[00:01:32] Speaker A: You show up for, like, your first day, and it's like, hey, so we do have a company uniform. So what? We're obviously gonna pay you for that, so don't worry about. Or we're gonna pay for it. But here's the polo. Uh, it's just a nice pair of dockers. Here's your nine. You're gonna wanna hold on to that. You're gonna. Here's your holster for that. Make sure it's always on your hip at all times.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: If you don't, you can go to HR. If you don't want to hold it on your hip, we can get you an under the shirt holster. We can get you a back holster. We have holsters. Boot, whatever you want to put it. You just got to make sure you got that thing on you.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: Yeah. At all times.
[00:02:03] Speaker B: I. Oh, I. Oh, I'm sorry.
[00:02:05] Speaker A: I don't know exactly. I'm not security.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: I know there's no bullets in the gun. I'm sorry. We. You're not done with the uniform yet. That's just for show.
[00:02:13] Speaker C: This.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: You do need to. And that is a sword.
[00:02:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: What would be. Okay, what is our. What is our thing?
[00:02:18] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:02:19] Speaker B: We can't do swords. That's a crazy 88. We can't do guns because guns is overplayed. We can't do fruit because the final boss has the fruit. So what is going to be our, like, what's our thing? When you see them pull it out, you're like, oh, that's one of Nick and Cody's boys.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: You know, is. I mean, I just. Is a mace just too. It's just not a great weapon, but I wouldn't mind.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: I think a mace is a good weapon, but it's not easy to transport. You want our boys to roll in?
[00:02:43] Speaker A: So pokey, there's not a good holster for it.
[00:02:46] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I don't like if they're just rolling into the club for a good night. We still want them to represent their.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Set, but sure, we don't want crossbows too big.
[00:02:55] Speaker B: Crossbows too big for your crossbows?
[00:02:57] Speaker A: Way too big. Do we just want to do staffs?
[00:02:59] Speaker B: Staffs seems f. What about, like, old english longbows?
[00:03:02] Speaker A: I would.
I'm thinking that, like, you know how they have, like, the. This, like, kind of telescoping?
[00:03:10] Speaker C: So.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Yeah, one of those where, like, it's. It's only like, if it's just on your hip, it kind of just looks like it's like a four inch pipe.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. So kind of like one of those batons for, like, people are hard of seeing. So they can, like, stretch it out, but ours, like a. So like a Darth maul kind. Yeah, it's like a Darth maul.
Yeah. Oh, that's pretty badass, actually.
[00:03:28] Speaker C: Cause that's. You'll.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: You'll know when our boys roll through because everyone's just bludgeoned to death. Right? Not enough gangs. Not enough gangs do pure bludgeoning.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: Just. Yeah, you're gonna get whacked a lot. It's gonna hurt. Like our boys are hurting people.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: Why don't you guys use your guns? It seems, like, cruel and torturous. Like, you're not actually killing anyone, you're just severely maiming them. Yeah, that's kind of our calling.
[00:03:51] Speaker A: Kind of what we do, though. The gun actually doesn't have any bullets.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: I don't.
[00:03:55] Speaker A: I figured at some point, like, maybe it's like, oh, every year I work there, I'd get, like, one bullet in the chamber just to, you know, prepare my for worst case scenarios. Never happened, not even once. There's no bullets in here.
[00:04:06] Speaker C: Just.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: I just have this sick, double sided bo staff, which is badass.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: But the problem is we're just leaving a trail of, like, bitter people in our wake.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: So many people.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: So many people want revenge, dude.
[00:04:18] Speaker A: Yeah, you're not. Very rarely are we taking out an entire set. We've just really hurt a lot of people. But in about, in a good, solid, like, six month recovery time, they are back to health, and we got to figure that out.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: Fuck it. That would be so cool, though. Like, if you're at a club and you see some people about to get in a fight, one guy's, what you gonna do about it? And, like, pulls out a knife and then some, like, a group of five people to pull up bo staffs and start doing, like, kung fu shit. It's like, run, knife, run.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: Oh, I've never seen. That's the thing is, I feel like it's just a lot of, like, I ain't seen that before. So these guys, they must be wild with it.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: Here's the thing.
[00:04:52] Speaker C: Cool.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: That's cool about bo staffs, too, that you have to be aware of anyone on earth. If you give them a bo staff, we can all do anyone. Instinctually. You can do, like, an easy flip and put it under your arm.
[00:05:02] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: Right. Not hard.
But if someone does that to you in a bar, you have no idea. To gauge how good they are with that bo staff. And you have to assume, Barry, because they have one.
[00:05:13] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: That no one's whipped out a bo staff. And I've instantly thought they don't know how to use that, to be fair.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Like, I mean, you know, you live in a state that's completely open carry, so, yeah, hey, that's terrifying. But also, it does mean any old asshole can have a gun.
[00:05:28] Speaker B: I'm not. See, I've been in a subway, and there's a guy in front of me who had four guns, right?
[00:05:33] Speaker A: You're like, I don't even think you really know what to do.
[00:05:35] Speaker B: No, I think at no point did I ever think that I couldn't WHOOP that guy's ass, right?
[00:05:40] Speaker A: But if one dude just like, you, like, you kind of chest pop someone, you're like, fuck you, dude. And he's like, whips out that bo staff. I'm like, you know what, man? I'll get you.
[00:05:49] Speaker B: I got you. I'm sorry. What are you sipping?
[00:05:52] Speaker C: My guy.
[00:05:52] Speaker A: Let me grab you that drink, dude. Cause I don't have. I'm not. I don't need to take that. I don't need to risk this. No, there is the recognization too. You're like, this is just gonna hurt a lot.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:03] Speaker B: Even if he's not. Yeah, there's like, no, I'm not worried I'm gonna die. I'm gonna wish I died. Right. It's got pain so bad.
[00:06:11] Speaker A: Probably like a busted femur.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: I mean, it's a busted kneecap. Yeah.
[00:06:15] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:06:15] Speaker B: And no matter what, even if you block a hit with a bo staff.
[00:06:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:18] Speaker A: Oh, way to go.
[00:06:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: Oh, you threw your arm up.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Oh, great.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: You shattered your forearm. Good job.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: Yeah, you just look. Yeah, that's. That's what we're talking about.
[00:06:27] Speaker C: That's.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what we're talking. We're talking about here. If you're running a criminal organization, what are the most important positions to be hiring for? And here we have in the group D, so. Meaning group a, group b, group C have already happened. Go listen to those if you haven't already. But once again, we take our 16 topics, we send it to our bracketologist, they kick it back to us. And here's what we got in group D. We got that three seed middle management going up against the 14 seed putty person. Then we have your 6th seed, your bodyguards going up against the eleven seed exotic assassins. Cody, where do you want to start?
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Oh, let's start with bodyguard and exotic assassin. Let's do that. How about.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: Okay, so the way I'm kind of seeing this is like, the exotic assassin is. Is that situation backs are a little bit against the wall, right. Our cleaner went out and got. Got.
[00:07:14] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:14] Speaker C: And got.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: Didn't come back.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: Didn't come back. So now we know. We're like, oh, man. So now we're going on to the. The old, uh, Craigslist. We're going on the LinkedIn of criminals.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: We gotta outsource. We gotta outsource this one.
[00:07:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: Our lovely friend friends overseas.
[00:07:29] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: So now we are typing into the LinkedIn of criminals and just going through resumes.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Like, what exotic assassin do you want to show up? We gotta kill John Wick. What do you send? Yeah, I mean, if it's John Wick, we can't seduce him.
[00:07:43] Speaker C: No.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: Cause I know there's.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: Yeah, that's not gonna be it.
[00:07:46] Speaker B: There's this lady in India. She's a belly dancer, right? But she does the belly dancing, but her jingly jangles on her wrist, they release a poisonous gas when she wants them to.
[00:07:54] Speaker C: So she tries to get up in.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: There, and you're like, oh, my God. Look at me. This is just a dance. This can't be deadly. It's deadly as fuck, bro.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: Yeah, but John. John wick's gonna fall.
[00:08:03] Speaker B: He'll stay right through that.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: He'll walk right by a bot, a belly dancer.
[00:08:06] Speaker C: He back easy.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: Oh, you might not. He's not going to kill him, but he's going to be like, that's weird that you're here, but I'm going to guess this is nothing. Like, he's just going to keep moving. I'm thinking, I I I'm thinking I'm going. I'm going to go to Russia.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: And I'm going to, I'm going to grab me. I want, like, I want ballet dancer, but who uses throwing knives?
[00:08:25] Speaker B: Oh, that's pretty badass.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: Like, I want. So it's like, as the movements are happening, it's kind of like, on her. Like, her tutu is, like, under is just little knives.
[00:08:33] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:08:33] Speaker A: And it's just getting, getting people with them, you know?
[00:08:38] Speaker B: Again, Sean's dodging them. I love that.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: Exotic assassins also have to have a very cool other perfection.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: First of all, you can't just be assassin.
[00:08:47] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. You're also just like, you are like the butcher. Like, if you're called the if. Like, if I'm looking down at the criminal LinkedIn, and I'm like, oh, the butcher. You are also a butcher, for sure.
But you do handle that meat cleaver strong, you know, strong style on it. That's always, it's, that's like their title. It's always there, whoever it is. It's like, hey, um, I think it's time to call in the ballerina.
[00:09:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it's about that time. You know, like, it's always the name of whatever their profession is, is how you are, is how you are known in the criminal underworld.
[00:09:20] Speaker B: I want. I want big Jim to do it. I'm gonna go down to Arkansas, get my boy big Jim. He's a hog farmer down there. He's six, 8360 pounds, 4% body fat, and doesn't use a weapon.
[00:09:32] Speaker A: It's just hands.
You don't get these hands, boy. Boy, they rated e for everyone, okay?
[00:09:40] Speaker B: Buddy gets these hands.
[00:09:41] Speaker C: My dude.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: That's who I'm calling it. He is not subtle. Like what I if I'm calling in my exotic assassin, it's because my cleaner failed.
[00:09:51] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: So we got it.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: I've tried subtlety.
[00:09:54] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:09:55] Speaker A: Right, right. You had your cool leather jacket guy just roaming through, just about to, like, kind of do it on the slide, get it to over with quick. Nope. John Wick got the drop on him, so now it's like, yeah, give me the big guy. No, the guy who's the murderer I want the guy who looks like the murderer. He should go kill John Wick. That's who I need.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: We just need to convince John Wick not to shoot him. That's my problem.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: Right. The thing I like about exotic assassin, if you are an exotic assassin, a. It means you're at the top of your game. How great is it? Yeah, I love that. You also get to set your own rate. Like this is now you're going to. You, because you get the call, right?
[00:10:28] Speaker C: You're.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: You're. You're big Jim and you get the call. It's like, hey, the FCP meat factory is calling.
They need. They need some assistance to.
[00:10:38] Speaker B: They need a thousand hogs.
[00:10:40] Speaker C: Wink.
[00:10:41] Speaker A: And he's like, oh, yeah.
He's like. He's like, what? Who am I selling the hogs to? Like, John Wick. He's like, yeah, you're probably gonna need about 10,000 hogs, and then I can probably make it happen, you know, like, it's just like that where I'm gonna set the rate on this.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. It's one of those things. And then they get a text back.
[00:10:56] Speaker C: I mean, if you.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: If you can deliver it to Wick, we'll pay you 20,000 hogs, you know?
[00:11:00] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
[00:11:01] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:11:01] Speaker A: All right, all right. I. So, for bodyguards. All right, so obviously, bodyguards are important because I think, like, initially, I'm like, I kind of want beefy guys.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: No.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Then there's the part of me. Yeah, like, do you want, like, some, like, Conor McGregor guys? Like four or, like, four jet lis?
[00:11:17] Speaker B: You know, here's the way I'm thinking of my bodyguards, right? My body I got. Because I have the final boss. I have the cli. I have all these men in my organization, my daily bodyguards. I kind of want him to be a little bitch. I kind of want. I kind of want whoever's fucking me, like, beat their ass and use the first. The first time. And then I'm like, they're like, I'm.
[00:11:34] Speaker C: Gonna kick your ass.
[00:11:35] Speaker B: Like, no, we'll settle this. Like, gentleman. Like, like, let the game. Let's play the game.
Okay, you. You think you got to me. You think he met the club. Exactly.
[00:11:46] Speaker C: That.
[00:11:46] Speaker A: You're at. Your bodyguards stand up to him.
[00:11:48] Speaker C: He gets. They get.
[00:11:49] Speaker B: They get waxed, and you just like, yeah. And then. But when he comes into the vip, he expects me to be, like, running. And I'm sitting there, I'm still. I'm pouring myself a little shot of mezcal and I'm like, oh, yeah. And he's like, oh, I killed your bodyguards. Like, oh, yeah, those assholes.
[00:12:03] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: No, you think I'm gonna bring my a team here, bro? We haven't even done the exposition yet.
[00:12:09] Speaker A: Yeah, this is the first act.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: This is the first act.
[00:12:12] Speaker A: Of course you found me.
[00:12:14] Speaker C: I did.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: I wasn't moving.
You have gone through no tribulations yet.
[00:12:19] Speaker B: There's no way you don't even want.
[00:12:21] Speaker A: To kill me yet. This would be too easy for you, right?
[00:12:25] Speaker B: That's the energy I'm trying to take with my bodyguards, because I want my real bodyguards. The final boss. So we haven't even introduced her yet, right?
[00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah, she has. She's still.
[00:12:37] Speaker B: She's. I fired the fruit guy, by the way. He would. He would not use the Clementines, and I needed to know what they were for, and he wouldn't, so I got rid of him.
[00:12:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: Okay. All right. So I just got a belly dancer.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I would got the ballerina. I liked her more.
[00:12:51] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:12:52] Speaker B: Yeah, I.
[00:12:53] Speaker A: So, yeah, I do like that. You're right. I also think that that just means, like, once again, we are. We could just, like, go to any bodyguard server, like. Like the bodyguards. Like, when you're ever. You're watching, like a. Like a, you know, a sports. Sports match.
[00:13:07] Speaker B: Right.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: And you have the people on the field. Right. That are in, like, the yellow jackets and stuff.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:13:12] Speaker A: And then, like. But it's like, people rush the field, and those people are like, hold their arms out, like, oh, no.
[00:13:17] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Oh, man. Oh, I don't know. I don't get paid enough for this shit, so.
[00:13:23] Speaker B: Exactly. That's the energy I want for my first level of bodyguards. So what are you gonna do with yours?
[00:13:29] Speaker A: I was. I was gonna. I think I'm a big, meaty men guy.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:13:33] Speaker C: Big mega man.
[00:13:34] Speaker A: I think I'm a big, meaty man guy. But also, the problem with having big, meaty men is eventually I'm gonna want to get carried a lot. Like, they're gonna, like, have to, like, carry me once. Cause I got too drunk and those, like, pick me up, but then I'm going to be like, yeah, we're going to do that a lot more, you guys.
You are going to start carrying me around like a baby. Because I like that. Just get. I just get, like, some dude who's, like, six, eight, just jacked, and I just get a. I get a custom baby beorn, and I just sit in front of him.
[00:14:04] Speaker C: Hell, yeah.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: And I just tell people what to do.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: You know, you sit in the basket on his back like that dude from Ace Ventura.
[00:14:10] Speaker C: Two.
[00:14:10] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:14:13] Speaker C: I got.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: I got, like, an exotic assassin. Assassin. Because I want my bodyguards at level the. On the first act.
[00:14:19] Speaker C: Bodyguards.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: They're a joke.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Yeah, no, you're you.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: I only have three bodyguards out there, so you can kill them and I can hit you with a quip when you come in.
[00:14:26] Speaker A: Right. And no matter what, even if I do have big, beefy, like, you're right. These are. And we'll get. We're about to talk it.
[00:14:33] Speaker B: They're.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: They're like a level above but putty person.
[00:14:36] Speaker B: Like, they are. They.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: They will maybe get one punch in, but that's the one. Like, John Wick's like, oh, you shouldn't have done that. Oh, no. I hate bleeding my own blood, you know?
[00:14:46] Speaker B: Hey, bleeding.
[00:14:47] Speaker A: And then it's like, now it's over for you. Now you are dead. That was dumb. You shouldn't have hit him. You should have ran away. All right, so next up, so we'll move exotic assassin on next up, we have middle management going up against putty person. So middle management. This is in any. Any movie, right? I mean, if you're talking about your mafia movies, if you're talking about John Wick, any of these movies where you see there's the boss, there's clearly the right hand man, but then there's just, like, three other dudes who are just sipping alcohol. They're not. You're like, what do they. They never go out.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: They're not like, yeah, when shit starts happening, you never see them fighting. You never see them again. They're always near the boss, and they're just drinking alcohol.
[00:15:28] Speaker A: Like, it literally seems like they are just to be like your own. Like, this is just extra human shield. This is just more meat to get in the way. I just hire paid. Is this. So do you think this would just be like, your middle management group is literally just like the homies that you're like, Alex, Brad. Like, hey, yeah, yeah, I'm making a lot of money in this meat business.
[00:15:50] Speaker B: You guys started from the bottom. Now we're here. Yeah, these are my homies that I hired. They don't. I think that are also. Maybe they are just like, middle managers. Maybe they're the ones that, like, when the bride comes in and she gets ahold of this guy and she's like, where is Cody and Nick? And he'll be like, I don't know, but I don't know if you know this. I think it's horse. Yeah, I think it's horror.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: I'm not. I actually went, had Wagyu in Japan. Did not taste like what we're putting out there. I'm going to be honest. I did not. It does not taste the same to me. Gamey. I would. I was. I don't think we're selling the rights.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: And every, every time the guy shows up in shipping and he, they'll be like, hey, so how was the shipment today? He's like, were there any problems with the shipment? He always goes, nay, no problems. That.
He says it every time. That's everything.
[00:16:36] Speaker A: And, like, and there, and, like, there's always a fun little smile between the two guys. And I'm just like, that's we. It's not a good joke. Like, like, why would you say that?
[00:16:45] Speaker B: Reason this joke makes sense is if it's horse.
[00:16:47] Speaker A: If it's horse. So I don't know. That's all I'm saying. You do you though, so. Or you have your putty person, which is clearly, once again, these are, this is your first wave. These are the first guys. These are, these are, they're all gone. They're about to get got very quickly. My question about this, this is now to like, it is important. This is a very important part of the organization, though, right? Because if you don't have them, then John witches gets to you faster, right? The bride.
[00:17:14] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:17:15] Speaker A: Gets to you fast.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: You gotta, dude. Okay. I can't expect my, I can't expect anyone to be able to take John Wicket 100%. I need you. You guys are just there to get him working on his cardio. I need this guy breathing heavy. If he's not sweating, if he's not bleeding a little bit, by the time he gets to me, I'm fucked.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: I'm screwed.
[00:17:36] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:36] Speaker A: No, yeah. I'm not here. I'm not here to fight John Wick. Let's be clear about that.
[00:17:41] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:17:42] Speaker A: So I need him pretty much beaten down, so I could just kind of take some shots at him from COVID That's what I'm providing to the, I'm.
[00:17:50] Speaker B: Expecting a fair fight with a very injured John Wick.
[00:17:53] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: And I need you guys to make this happen.
So that's what they're for. That's what putty people are for.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Here's my question.
[00:18:01] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:18:02] Speaker B: If you actually, you want to be a putty person, by the way, because if you, if you qualify for the putty level, you get punched once, just stayed out.
[00:18:09] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Like, it's like, hey, you did.
[00:18:11] Speaker C: You did.
[00:18:11] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:18:12] Speaker C: Hey.
[00:18:12] Speaker A: Now, is knuckles hurt? Just a little bit. There's no for you to go further than just like, get down.
[00:18:18] Speaker C: Hey, get.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: Take your punch. Get out of here. Do you think.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: How do you think this is a.
[00:18:25] Speaker A: Pretty well paid position in the organization? Like, from the standpoint is like we are saying definitively, hey, you know what you are.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: You know that, Nick, it's dollar 27 an hour, but it is part time. And the benefit package isn't as good. You do have medical and dental, but, like, the co pays a little worse. It's just not as good.
[00:18:46] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: Yeah, because we're also.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: We're kind of like.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Like we.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: Like you said, like, hey, you might die. That's part of it. I think that's good life insurance plan because of that. But it's like, also.
[00:18:55] Speaker B: And this is also entry level. Like, we're not trusting you in a full time position yet.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Yeah, so it's like, take your, like, yeah, take your hits, get. Get knocked out, come back to work the next day, you know? Like, so, yeah, it's like, yeah, we're not going to be able to. No, I think you're right. Yeah, it's like, hey, it's. It's good for entry level, right? Like, in your local town it would be. Yeah, but for having no education experience necessary.
[00:19:16] Speaker B: Yeah, but if you show up the next day after John Wick comes through and whoops that ass, and I'll be like, oh, hey, I'm giving the speech to everyone got their ass wicked.
[00:19:23] Speaker A: Yeah, and like, the big corporate speech. You know, the boss.
[00:19:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: Hey, guys, I know we took a loss.
[00:19:28] Speaker B: I know, I know. We took a big fat l yesterday, and you guys got wicked left and right. Which one of you is the one that did bite him, though? You. You're full time, baby. You got.
[00:19:39] Speaker A: Yeah, you're on second wave now. You're.
[00:19:41] Speaker B: That's what I like to see. I like it when you get. You bit him. That was wild.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: That is a wild thing to hear. Yeah, no, you're up. You're getting full time. You're upset. I think we talked about. We talked about second wave and group. Group C. I think that, to me, is where second wave comes in. It just means you got full time promotion off a putty. Like, it's exactly.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: You get the full time benefit.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: So now it's like, hey, now you're actually going to work a little bit harder, though. Like, you've earned your keep here.
[00:20:06] Speaker B: Yeah, you're getting 32 an hour. We pay well. I can't emphasize this enough.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I think I gotta go.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: We're making. We're making that wagyu money.
[00:20:13] Speaker A: This is what. Because middle management, once again, I do think this is a lot of my friends, mostly.
[00:20:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:20:20] Speaker A: And I think this, as much as I'm happy to pay my friends, I do not necessarily trust them in a criminal empire situation.
[00:20:28] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: Agreed.
[00:20:28] Speaker C: Agreed.
[00:20:29] Speaker B: You know, I gotta go with putty person. These are the people. These are, you know what? Maybe 85% of them aren't going to make it, but 50% of these people are going to be very important team members.
[00:20:37] Speaker A: I mean, if you think about an organization like McDonald's, right, what is the most, the most important person is not the CEO, it's the person who's making my big Mac.
[00:20:44] Speaker C: Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
[00:20:45] Speaker A: Like, that dude is important because there's more of them. They actually know what they're doing. They're handling their business on the like without having a good core group of this. Yeah, your organization's not going to.
[00:20:56] Speaker C: Oh, wow.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: You're really secure, like, up at the top with all great knowledge.
[00:21:00] Speaker B: Okay, great.
[00:21:00] Speaker A: We need people to do the work.
[00:21:01] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:21:02] Speaker A: I'm not. I'm not here to form the horse meat patties and, you know, and take that.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: Ground.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: That ground horse meat and turn it into wagyu patties.
[00:21:11] Speaker B: I don't have time for that.
[00:21:12] Speaker A: I have to make these other big decisions, I guess. Mostly. Mostly it is me scrolling criminal LinkedIn. It is me spending a lot of time on criminal LinkedIn.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: Just like, dude, wonder if Mel Gibson and Danny Glover show up and start blasting. I need you here. Yeah, I don't need my middle management. I need my punny people.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: Yep, exactly. And don't worry, you're not going to get asked questions either.
[00:21:35] Speaker B: And no, you get hit. You get hit from Joe Pesci, hits you with a spinning elbow, and then he's going to hit you with a funny one liner. What. What are we complaining about? Yeah, you had to eat a bow, right?
[00:21:46] Speaker C: That's.
[00:21:46] Speaker A: That could have happened on a. That could have happened on a Saturday night out of just. Just hanging out at the bar.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: You know, you get paid, but you're.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: Getting paid, but you're getting paid to do that. So I. All right, so we have, we have your putty person going up against exotic assassin. My biggest problem with exotic assassin is, is that they aren't part of the company.
[00:22:05] Speaker B: You know, I can't trust them.
[00:22:07] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: It's like, I don't even know if it's trust because I do think for them at the end of the day, they're mercenaries. It is about the money. This is all they care about.
[00:22:13] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:13] Speaker A: So I'm not too worried about them flipping on me or anything.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: Like, I'm more worried that unless they.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: Are the arch rival of. Of the. Of the hero, and then it's more about, like, a respect thing. So now I'm like, hey, I don't need you to, like, have an honorable fight. I'm not. I'm not paying you to put. To put all. To put the two. Two of knives down and take him one on one because it's for respect, dude. No, no.
[00:22:39] Speaker B: I can already tell you what's going to happen. It's going to fucking suck. We're going to hire the ballerina because on paper, her resume is spotless. This girl's got it all she left out of detail. She knows John Wick. So when she's coming to John Wick throwing knives, he's going to catch one in his teeth. They're going to make eye contact, make passionate love on top. On top of all my putty people, they're not dead, but they're basically dead.
[00:22:59] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: Basically. Now and then they're going to win. And now you didn't do anything. You just did. And as we know, if you have sex in a movie, you get full health.
[00:23:08] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:09] Speaker A: Yeah, you're back up.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: Yeah, now he's coming at me, literally.
[00:23:13] Speaker A: You did the opposite of what I needed.
[00:23:15] Speaker B: I hired you to. To kill John Wick.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: And then there's really nothing. That's the other part I hate is that I don't have any legal ramification that I can't go to court and be like, hey, this was a negligent employee, okay?
[00:23:27] Speaker C: This was.
[00:23:27] Speaker A: This employee did not do their work. And so I can't. Like, I'm stuck now. Like, it was a contractor who just was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't want your money.
[00:23:35] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: Like, so now I gotta kill her, too, you know, hard that's gonna be.
[00:23:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: I hired her because she was the only one to kill Joe wake.
[00:23:41] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:42] Speaker A: So now I'm screwed. Yeah. So that's the thing is, I feel like as much as I would enjoy scrolling through.
[00:23:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:49] Speaker A: Criminal, LinkedIn, and just seeing all the.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: Goods, it'd be great.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: You know, it's also just going to be one of those things where, yeah, you don't work for us. You're not down. You don't care to keep this organization.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: Going in this economy. I can't afford to pay.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: And also, you might just walk away. If the fight goes too long, and you're just like, ah, yeah, he's got. He's better than me.
[00:24:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
You know, I'm not expecting you to die for me. I don't even know you. Right.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: I, as much as I want you to, it's like, no, you really could just be like, hey, John. Hey, I'm going to stop this fight. You're awesome.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: Like, you're. I prefer that because, please don't sleep with him.
[00:24:23] Speaker A: Anybody.
[00:24:24] Speaker B: If you're in John wick situation, do not sleep with him. He gets full health. And that goes for the bride too.
[00:24:29] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, 100%.
[00:24:31] Speaker B: That's 1%.
[00:24:32] Speaker A: You have to let them. Like, if you're gonna. If you're gonna call it, just not just silent nod.
[00:24:39] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: Be like, hey, you're great.
[00:24:40] Speaker B: I'm gonna head out. Like.
[00:24:41] Speaker A: Because if I swoop. Can you write it? Do you think when you. Because obviously there's, like, legal contracts. I do. We do have to have them signed. That's just, that's for. That's for accountability.
Just, you gotta have. You got to have that on file. And do you. Do you put a clause in there if. If found out that you made love to hero?
[00:25:01] Speaker B: I do.
[00:25:02] Speaker A: You owe me the money.
[00:25:03] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Now, I'm not talking refund. I'm talking you pay me.
[00:25:08] Speaker A: Yeah, like, that's what I need.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: Because I think I'm going putty people, dude. You have to have them.
[00:25:13] Speaker C: You need.
[00:25:14] Speaker B: You need nameless. We also need hundreds of them.
[00:25:17] Speaker A: Right?
[00:25:17] Speaker B: And here's the thing I love about.
[00:25:18] Speaker A: A putty person, is, at the end of the day, this is an organization where you can work your way up. Okay, yeah, yeah. Maybe you just started out low level, you know, work in the docks part time. But look at you.
[00:25:31] Speaker C: You bit.
[00:25:32] Speaker A: You bit the hero.
Love that move.
[00:25:35] Speaker B: I love that energy so much.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: You got promoted. You clearly showed some great management skills. So we kept moving you up. Now look at you now. You're the fall guy.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Cause I'm also not.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: I'm like, you're gonna be the fall guy. I'm not gonna. You're.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: You're.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: You're a putty person. I can't have you, like, right hand manning this.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: But not yet.
[00:25:51] Speaker A: Not yet. But I can't have you go to fall guy pretty quickly.
[00:25:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm just. I got to go with putty person, man. The exotic assassin. There's too many risk factors.
[00:25:59] Speaker A: Yeah. As much as you want to believe it. And let's be clear. In the pantheon of cinema the exotic assassin. Not as great. They generally get to get the. Get it whooped a little bit.
[00:26:09] Speaker C: Sure. They.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: They.
It's a cool fight, but it's.
[00:26:12] Speaker A: But they haven't really ever stopped the fight. So, like, what am I doing here?
[00:26:17] Speaker B: I pay. I'd pay money to watch John Wick seduce Big Jim, though.
[00:26:25] Speaker C: Just.
[00:26:26] Speaker A: You're like, wait, Big Jim was gay?
[00:26:28] Speaker B: No.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: That's what's crazy.
[00:26:30] Speaker B: He wasn't. Hey, man, after that, I can't even.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: It was just passion.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: It was just passion.
[00:26:36] Speaker A: It was just pure passion, man.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: When two men are that good at their craft, it's. I. Hey, I'm not gonna say anything else besides what I'm about to say, but me and Nick have done this show a long time together, and we're both experts at our craft and the way that makes each other feel about each other. I'm not gonna say not.
[00:26:50] Speaker C: Yeah. Who.
[00:26:51] Speaker A: Yeah, but you can. You can figure it out for yourselves, folks. Just two men who love each other and just see the. See the greatness, and it's like, I want to experience that in all of its forms.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what we're saying.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: That is it, folks. Putty person, the final contestant to in our final four that we will be having on Friday, our group D champion. Thank you all so much for listening to this episode of friendly competition. If you want about Chabois, a few things that you can do, as always, share with a friend, tell a friend. Wherever you're listening to this, make sure you hit that.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: Like that.
[00:27:22] Speaker A: Follow that.
[00:27:23] Speaker B: Subscribe.
[00:27:23] Speaker A: So we're showing up in your feeds. And then also give us those five stars wherever you can.
[00:27:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. Follow us on all of our social media, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, just comely, compod. If you have an idea for a 16 team tournament you'd like to see, well, God damn, you can email that to us. It's right there. Friendlycomptorspodcastmail.com. Slip in there.
[00:27:43] Speaker A: Slide on in. As always, shout outs to charizard for that intro music. You want to hear more of their stuff? And over to band camp, type in charizard and replace the vowels with sixes. That is going to be it for us, folks. Final for Friday coming up. But until then, I've been Nick Carey.
[00:28:02] Speaker B: And I'm Cody Luna. See you on the boat.
